Unspoken rules for making a good impression at a family meet where you don’t have the same background. You’ve got your introduction sorted. Picked what you’re going to wear. Changed it 3 times. Got flowers but wondered if that was odd? Should you get wine, dessert or should you not bother? Meeting the parents is the one time you won’t be given any rules on what to do and everyone will be silently scoring.
Same dinner, different rules
A lot of people don’t tell you that politeness varies from family to family. It is a language and each family has their own dialect. Some families will be relaxed with you being 15 minutes late. Whereas others will see this as rude. Some families will see you saying no thank you to your third portion as polite whereas others will see this as rude to the chef. Everyone will have their own rules about eye contact, using first names, small talk and time there. But you won’t be told what they mean.
Things We Aren’t Talking Enough About When Backgrounds Don’t Match
If your dating someone of a different culture, religion, class background or continent, you may feel like you have two different maps. A lot of Gen Z couples are scared that their family will never accept them. Sometimes it takes some time. Often your family will be surprised at how quickly they have softened in their opinions about. Usually this is because you’ve been kind to their child on a regular Tuesday. It usually doesn’t happen overnight but will happen gradually after months and years of small human moments.
You’re not trying to be the ‘perfect’ guest but someone they are happy to see at the door.
Three words in their language.
Even if they speak a different language it’s really enjoyable to learn some words. ‘Thank you’, ‘This is delicious’ and ‘Nice to meet you. Attempt to say the words, even if they sound awkward.
Imagine they have practiced their greeting in Korean all week. However when they get there they mess up their pronunciation. The grandparent laughs and slowly says the word again while teaching them how to say it correctly. By the time dessert comes around everyone is laughing at their mistake. This becomes the first thing the family tell people about them It didn’t matter that they messed up as it showed they had made an effort. Something that can’t be faked!
Meeting your partner’s parents is all about translation. Not just their culture, but also their tone and love. The best people at this are those who remain curious, humble and kind.
– Aira 🌿
