Why some of us prefer talking to a bot and what we lose in doing so. 12.40am. It has been an odd day, nothing major, but you just feel a little “off”. You look at your messages and see the names of your friends. But no, they will be asleep and anyway, you don’t want to bother them. You don’t want to be “a lot”. You open up another app, type out three scruffy sentences and get a beautifully worded, thoughtful and kind reply. No judgment, no yawns and no “can we chat later? It feels amazing.
If this sounds relatable then you aren’t strange. In fact, you’re part of one of the biggest silent changes in how our generation deal with emotions. Let’s chat about it.
Why Bots Feel So Easy
Let’s start off by saying, this makes complete sense. They are always there. Your friends will have busy lives, be in different time zones, have relationships and also have bad days too. A chatbot will always be available at 3am, whilst on the train or in the toilet at a party. They will never get tired of you. You can tell them the same thing 6 times and they won’t even sigh. For anyone who has felt like a burden this is a huge relief.
No social pressure. You can tell them anything you want, whether it’s something embarrassing, jealous or just a jumbled mess and no one will remember at brunch. They’ll actually listen. Many of us are surrounded by people who aren’t actually listening and are just waiting to speak. A bot will wait to hear what you have to say. In a generation which has everything curated, from how they sound, look and what they share, having somewhere with no chance of being judged is a relief. This isn’t a flaw in your personality, it’s a very human reaction to an extremely tiring world.
They can’t inconvenience. A real person would be sacrificing their sleep to answer your call at midnight. The fact they’ve sacrificed their sleep makes us feel valued. A bot will always be there to listen without any cost. They agree with you. Most AI tools have been created to be friendly and encouraging. Whilst this can be comforting, a good friend will often tell you that whilst they love you, they don’t necessarily agree with you. Rarely will you learn anything from agreeing with everyone.
They don’t remember. Friends will know everything about you. They’ll remember your grandmothers birthday, the job that made you nervous and how you sounded last time you said you were okay. A bot will just remember things they need to. They aren’t thinking about you at 2pm on a Wednesday. They can’t be there. They can’t bring you soup, sit with you in the hospital waiting room or give you a big hug at the airport. Real support is physical.
They’re great at making things seem easy. However, friendship shouldn’t be easy. Some of the best parts of being close to someone comes from getting past the awkwardness, fixing things after an argument and learning patience.
So Is It All Bad?
Talking to an AI can be really helpful. Being able to talk through your thoughts using an AI can help you prepare for a difficult conversation. It could help you practice saying something terrifying or help you find the right words to describe how you are feeling. If you’ve had a difficult evening it can also help you get through it. For some, it gives them the gentle push they need. If you’re using a bot to help you get to the conversation then it’s a bridge. But if you’re using it as a substitute then it becomes a wall.
While a bot can be a good ear, a reasonable sounding board and a surprisingly kind voice throughout the night, a best friend will choose you, remember you sometimes even go out of your way to see you.
– Aira 🌿
