Approaching someone and getting them to talk may not be that hard, but it definitely requires action on your part. Surely you can’t expect people to come over and talk to you when you’re just there, not doing anything. Keep in mind that you might not be the only person who’s having a hard time trying to meet new people. If you are painfully shy, take the initiative to overcome the shyness. Self-help books and websites are always available to provide answers to your questions and possibly solutions to your problems. If the shyness becomes overwhelming, it would be best to consult a physician or therapist. 

 

You may not know it, but you might be having a condition known as social anxiety disorder. Even if a person is shy, there’s always a way to learn behaviours that can make one more outgoing. The first and most helpful step is finding the right location. Look for a place where other people will have at least one general interest similar to yours. Check out what’s available in your area—you can enrol at the local college or volunteer for projects through local volunteer centers in your area. Prepare a list of potential questions to ask someone even before you get to the location. 

 

Avoid yes or no questions—open-ended ones allow the other person to say more than a one word answer to the conversation. Think of things that would make you both feel comfortable, because the other person could be shy, too. Take time to look around the room after you walk in the door. Don’t panic when you’re not talking to anybody yet. Try to get a feel for the group while looking at the people. Now, for the real task: approaching someone. look around for somebody who’s alone—it’s usually easier to approach a person on his/her own than in a group and chances are, that person may be just as shy as you! Do your best to make the person comfortable when engaging him/her in a conversation. 

 

You can do either the direct or indirect approach. As the name implies, direct approach is well, direct. Muster whatever courage you have and walk up to the person and say hi. This is quite challenging yet often yield positive results. To make yourself less intimidating, stand next to the person instead of making a beeline for them. Or make eye contact first and smile—it is almost certain that the person will smile back, and give you the motivation you need to talk to them. But, if the mere idea of striking a conversation with someone makes you quiver, you can try the indirect approach. 

 

For example, if you’re in a classroom, inquire if the seat next to someone is already taken. Use the opportunity to introduce yourself as you sit down. Now that you’re acquainted, you can mentally rehash your prepared questions. Be as engaging as you can be—keep the person talking and talk about yourself, too (not too much, though, or you’ll end up looking like a show off). Do a friendship follow-up to know the person deeper. It could be coffee after class or a group study that can lead to a strong friendship, who knows? 

 

 

The author of this article Ruth Purple is a Relationships Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for man