Hilarious Quotes, Short Funny Quotes

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.


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The only reason people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.


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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.


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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s just that yours is stupid.


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There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.


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"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams


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The road to success is always under construction.


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When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.


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If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.


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Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film.