I Am Lonely

I’m not sure why I’m doing this or what I hope to achieve..I found myself typing ’I’m lonely’ into Google this evening and am wondering if I’ve finally lost it. I’m typing and constantly stopping to wipe tears away..I think I’m crying because I’m sharing this. I’m 36 and Mum to a lovely 6 year old girl, it’s just the two of us..she’s fabulous but I’m so lonely. I crave someone to be with so badly I just don’t know if I can take much more of this.

There was someone so dear to me who went from my life quite a few years ago now and I bumped into a mutal friend yesterday, he told me how well he’s getting on etc and though I was pleased to hear all is well for him I find today I am inconsolable..I’m lonely every night but tonight just feels too much, this is so hard to share this I always find it hard to ask for help..typing this anonomously is the only way I can..and even now I’m holding back and I don’t know WHY..I’m afraid I’m going to be alone forever and just want someone to love and to love me..I had that and I blew it, too young and stupid..Little did I know what I was throwing away...

I can’t stop crying now the tears are flowing, I don’t suppose this is much of a ’story’ is it..ha...I think i just need to feel I’m not alone, I would give anything right now for someone to hold, I feel so unloveable and unwanted, it doesn’t feel good. I had it all, and now I have nothing. Money means nothing. A house means nothing. A good career means nothing!! All these things I have and tehy mean NOTHING if your life has not got love, if you’re not connected to another human being..I would give everythng I have right now and I know I would, please believe I’m not jsut saying that, everything my house my money al the stuff that does not matter..for five minutes with him to tell him how sorry I am..and how I regret every day for eleven years now what I did. I was so messed up.

I think I’d kill for a hug right now... *half-smile*

Sorry for waffling on