It sometimes happens, even in the best of families, that a baby is born. This is not necessarily cause for alarm. The important thing is to keep your wits about you and borrow some money.
~Elinor Goulding Smith

A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase.
~Author Unknown

Babies are always more trouble than you thought - and more wonderful.
~Charles Osgood

Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.
~Ed Howe

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
~Leo J. Burke

Babies are such a nice way to start people.
~Don Herrold

Every baby needs a lap.
~Henry Robin

Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud "snort" noises.) I don't know why parents don't do this more often. Usually it makes the kid laugh. Sometimes it sends him into shock. Either way it quiets him down. If you're a parent, acting like a rhino has another advantage. Keep it up until the kid is a teenager and he definitely won't have his friends hanging around your house all the time.
~P.J. O'Rourke

When babies look beyond you and giggle, maybe they're seeing angels.
~Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.
~Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

A baby is a blank cheque made payable to the human race.
~Barbara Christine Seifert

One of the most obvious results of having a baby around the house is to turn two good people into complete idiots who probably wouldn't have been much worse than mere imbeciles without it.
~Georges Courteline, La Philosophie de Georges Courteline

...a little child, born yesterday,
A thing on mother's milk and kisses fed...

~"Hymn to Mercury" (one of the Homeric Hymns), translated from Greek by Percy Bysshe Shelley

God's interest in the human race is nowhere better evinced than in obstetrics.
~Martin H. Fischer

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
~Carl Sandburg

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.
~Dave Barry