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Quotations about Coffee & Caffeine

The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.
~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., "Over the Teacups," 1891
No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee's frothy goodness.
~Sheik Abd-al-Kadir
Over second and third cups flow matters of high finance, high state, common gossip and low comedy. [Coffee] is a social binder, a warmer of tongues, a soberer of minds, a stimulant of wit, a foiler of sleep if you want it so. From roadside mugs to the classic demi-tasse, it is the perfect democrat.
~Author Unknown
No coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils.
~Henry Ward Beecher
A morning without coffee is like sleep.
~Author Unknown
I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.
~Flash Rosenberg
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
~Author Unknown
Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee.
~Author Unknown
Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with.
~Terri Guillemets
Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee.
~Author Unknown
Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.
~David Letterman
Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
~Author Unknown
Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend.
~Author Unknown
This coffee falls into your stomach, and straightway there is a general commotion. Ideas begin to move like the battalions of the Grand Army of the battlefield, and the battle takes place. Things remembered arrive at full gallop, ensuing to the wind. The light cavalry of comparisons deliver a magnificent deploying charge, the artillery of logic hurry up with their train and ammunition, the shafts of with start up like sharpshooters. Similes arise, the paper is covered with ink; for the struggle commences and is concluded with torrents of black water, just as a battle with powder.
~Honore de Balzac, "The Pleasures and Pains of Coffee"
Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister.
~Bob Irwin
I bought a decaffeinated coffee table, you can't even see a difference.
~Author Unknown
Decaf? No, it's dangerous to dilute my caffeine stream.
~Author Unknown
Chocolate, men, coffee - some things are better rich.
~Author Unknown
Coffee has two virtues: it is wet and warm.
~Dutch Proverb
Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised.
~Star Trek: Voyager
Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago.
~Author Unknown
He was my cream, and I was his coffee -And when you poured us together, it was something.
~Josephine Baker
I've just arrived in New York City. What a place! Just smell those skyscrapers. Had breakfast at a little deli on Ninth Avenue. Cheese Danish and a cup of coffee, black as a moonless night. Hit the spot.
~From the television show Twin Peaks by David Lynch (Thanks, Rachel)
Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.
~Alphonse Allais
Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven.
~Jessi Lane Adams
Caffeine isn't a drug, it's a vitamin!
~Author Unknown
Deja Brew: The feeling that you've had this coffee before.
~Author Unknown
There's nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee.
~Rian Aditia
I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.
~Terri Guillemets
Forever: Time it takes to brew the first pot of coffee in the morning.
~Author Unknown
A fig for partridges and quails,
ye dainties I know nothing of ye;
But on the highest mount in Wales
Would choose in peace to drink my coffee.

~Jonathon Swift
Don't drink coffee in the morning. It will keep you awake until noon.
~Author Unknown
Coffee, which makes the politicians wise,
And see through all things with his half-shut eyes.

~Alexander Pope
Be a coffee-drinking individual - espresso yourself!
~Author Unknown
I make serious coffee - so strong it wakes up the neighbors.
~Author Unknown
Suave molecules of Mocha stir up your blood, without causing excess heat; the organ of thought receives from it a feeling of sympathy; work becomes easier and you will sit down without distress to your principal repast which will restore your body and afford you a calm, delicious night.
~Prince Tallyrand
In America you can buy bucket-sized cups of coffee in any flavour you like other than coffee-flavour.
~Author Unknown
Coffee in styrofoam is against my religion.
~Betsy Cañas Garmon, www.wildthymecreative.com
You know you've been playing too much Nethack when you refer to coffee as a potion of sleep resistance.
~Sweeney Todd Lundgren
I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.
~Ronald Reagan
Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish.
~Author Unknown
Coffee, n. break fluid.
~Author Unknown
This coffee tastes like mud! Well, it was ground this morning.
~Old Vaudeville joke
I like my coffee strong, not lethal!
I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine!
~Author Unknown
Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.
~Stephanie Piro
C:\COFFEE.POT missing (A)bort (R)etry (F)all asleep?
~Author Unknown
If it ain't caffeinated, it ain't coffee!
~Author Unknown
Coffee and tobacco are complete repose.
~Turkish Proverb
I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee.
~Carly Simon
In Seattle you haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running.
~Jeff Bezos
Black as the devil, Hot as hell,
Pure as an angel, Sweet as love.

~Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Perigord
Coffee in England is just toasted milk.
~Author Unknown
Ultimate office automation - networked coffee machines.
~Author Unknown
Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'll have another coffee.
~Author Unknown
Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt!
~Robin Williams
Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal™:
For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the House of Mochas forever.

~Author Unknown
C:>COFFEE.COM error. Contact programmer J. Valdez.
~Author Unknown
Coffee: The first peripheral!
~Author Unknown
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.
~T.S. Eliot
Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis - a good hot cup of coffee.
~Alexander King
Coffee leads men to trifle away their time, scald their chops, and spend their money, all for a little base, black, thick, nasty, bitter, stinking nauseous puddle water.
~The Women's Petition Against Coffee, 1674
Coffee makes me invincible. But when the cup is empty, I return to mere mortal.
~Terri Guillemets
I like my coffee like my women: hot, strong, steamy.
~Author Unknown
Retirement is one great big giant coffee break.
~Author Unknown
My blood type is Folgers.
~Author Unknown
All the coffee in Columbia won't make me a morning person.
~Author Unknown
Do I like my coffee black? There are other colors?
~Author Unknown
I don't understand decaf, it's like sex without the sex.
~A.C. Van Cherub
Nothing is sad on a beautiful morning save to look down and realize you just had the last sip of coffee and the mug sits indifferently empty.
~Terri Guillemets
Don't laugh at the coffee. Some day you, too, may be old and weak.
~Author Unknown
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. I bet this kind of thing does not happen to heroin addicts. I bet that when serious heroin addicts go to purchase their heroin, they do not tolerate waiting in line while some dilettante in front of them orders a hazelnut smack-a-cino with cinnamon sprinkles.
~Dave Barry
COFFEE.SYS Not Found: User startup disabled.
~Author Unknown
Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical.
~Jonathan Swift
I'd stop drinking coffee, but I'm no quitter.
~Author Unknown
The voodoo priest and all his powders were as nothing compared to espresso, cappuccino, and mocha, which are stronger than all the religions of the world combined, and perhaps stronger than the human soul itself.
~Mark Helprin, Memoir from Antproof Case, 1995
RISING.SUN detected: (A)nother coffee, (C)old shower, (S)leep?
~Author Unknown
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
~Paul Erdos
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
~Alex Levine
I'll quit coffee. It won't be easy drinking my Bailey's straight, but I'll get used to it. It'll still be the best part of waking up.
~From the television show Will and Grace
Caffeine Allocation Error: COFFEE.SYS missing, Programmer halted.
~Author Unknown
if(pot.coffee=EMPTY) {programmer->;brain=OFF};
~Author Unknown
Docs? Oh, you mean the stuff you wipe up coffee with?
~Author Unknown
Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.
~Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
~Author Unknown
I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume.
~John Van Druten