Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in the students.
Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.
~Abbott Lawrence Lowell
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
If you have a college degree you can be absolutely sure of one thing... you have a college degree.
If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.
~Robert Goheen, Time, 23 June 1961
It takes most men five years to recover from a college education, and to learn that poetry is as vital to thinking as knowledge.
~Brooks Atkinson, Once Around the Sun, 1951
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth which it prevents you from achieving.
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
Fathers send their sons to college either because they went to college or they didn't.
College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?
A liberal education... frees a man from the prison-house of his class, race, time, place, background, family and even his nation.
~Robert Maynard Hutchins
Does college pay? They do if you are a good open-field runner.
A college education shows a man how little other people know.
~Thomas Chandler Haliburton
The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another.
~J. Frank Dobie
I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's.
The primary purpose of a liberal education is to make one's mind a pleasant place in which to spend one's leisure.
~Sydney J. Harris
College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.
College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.
A liberal-arts education is supposed to provide you with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas, not a job.
I learned three important things in college - to use a library, to memorize quickly and visually, to drop asleep at any time given a horizontal surface and fifteen minutes.
~Agnes DeMille, Dance to the Piper, 1952
The new appears as a minority point of view, and hence is unpopular. The function of a university is to give it a sanctuary.
~Martin H. Fischer
I have a degree in liberal arts. Do you want fries with that?
~Author unknown, as seen on a T-shirt
Hitler destroyed the German university with design; we destroyed ours without.
~Martin H. Fischer
No man should escape our universities without knowing how little he knows.
~J. Robert Oppenheimer
The purpose of primary education is the development of your weak characteristics; the purpose of university education, the development of your strong.
I am not impressed by the Ivy League establishments. Of course they graduate the best - it's all they'll take, leaving to others the problem of educating the country. They will give you an education the way the banks will give you money - provided you can prove to their satisfaction that you don't need it.
Standardization is the fertilizer of college education. A little may be useful, but flowers do not grow in pure manure.
~Martin H. Fischer
The purpose of a liberal education is to make you philosophical enough to accept the fact that you will never make much money.
The elective system offered a bewildering freedom of choice, leaving some graduates with the impression that they had nibbled at dozens of canapés of knowledge and never had their fill.
The quality of a university is measured more by the kind of student it turns out than the kind it takes in.
~Robert J. Kibbee
A place where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed.
~Robert G. Ingersoll
A university is a college with a stadium seating over 40,000.
~Leonard L. Levinson