Why This Question Can Be A Real Punch
Your parents and family are likely coming from an age where having a ‘good career’ meant going to an office, having a respected title, working regularly and having a pension or some security. Whether it was being a doctor, engineer, lawyer, banker or government worker you could summarise in one sentence and everyone around the dinner table would understand.
you may be doing freelance work, creative work, working remotely, in a startup, using AI tools or doing a side hustle. Plus you’ll likely be using a title within your job that people outside the industry really wouldn’t understand, such as growth marketers or community managers.
Often underneath this question will be the feeling of ‘I want them to be proud of me, but I’m worried they won’t understand.
What They’re Actually Asking.
Many families will often have a strong history of working hard for security. This can often come across as quite harsh when they’re asking these questions. But they’re often very genuine in their concern. First of all, you should try to take some comfort in knowing that most of the time, questions aren’t being asked with a negative connotation.
The Real Issue.
The issue here is not your career isn’t valid. It’s that you need to translate what you do. Try to simplify what you do by changing the way you phrase what you do. Instead of focusing on the title, focus on the problem you solve for people. Instead of I’m a I’m a UX designer say I develop that apps are simple to use. This means companies can keep their customers. Instead of I’m a I’m a content creator, say I create videos that businesses and brands pay to be involved in. Lots of people watch them Instead of I work in AI, say I help companies use new computer tools to save them time!” None of these change the facts, but they do help you to match what your family member understands. Family members will often respect what they understand far more.
Using one example. It’s always better to have one example. Whether it be a completed project, a client thanking you or an easy number to understand.
Unfortunately some family members will still say hurtful things. Things like ‘When are you going to get a proper job? Why don’t you just do what your cousin does? My friend’s son has it made already.
Pause. Take a quick moment to stop yourself from saying the worst thing. Thank them. Say “Thanks, I know you’re only looking out for me.”
It can be tempting to want to win this argument. To have everyone around the table nodding and agreeing that you were right and they were wrong. However many families won’t change their mind at the dinner table. They’ll watch you over time. As you pay your bills, go through a tough time, create something secure and remain kind. Most of the time acceptance will come in a small way. Either by them saying she seems to be really happy or one of your family members will be boasting to someone else about what you do often without you even being there
While it can get tiring, lonely and occasionally heartbreaking to explain your untraditional career choice to people at a festival table, it shows you are creating your own life without a script
– Aira 🌿
