Let’s start by being honest. Your online community is real. The friend who stayed up late with you chatting social media, the server who helped you find like minded people based on your music taste, the group chat who helped you through your job hunt, break up or moving to a new city.
However, if you’ve ever felt a weird sense of emptiness after ending a long and warm conversation on your laptop, then you’ll understand that this post is asking. Can online community ever truly replace real community?
Why online community is great!
Firstly, online community is incredible for our generation. It removes the barriers between you and your people. Whether you’re in Chicago, Lyon, or just a small town with no one who gets your interests, online community means you’ll find your people. It allows for specificity. Instead of finding people who are like you, you’ll find people who truly love the same things as you film, fashion, etc. It also makes communication easier. Many people struggle with speaking in rooms. Some of the most honest conversations we’ve had have been in a group chat. Plus, it’s always available. There will always be someone awake at 3am. So for many of us, online community can help us feel seen for the first time in our lives.
What a hug gives you.
Imagine the last time someone hugged you when you really needed it. What were they giving you? Weight. Another person physically holding you. Warmth. Time. No typing dots and ‘brb’. No acting. No editing your face or perfecting your response. Risk. They had to be there and so did you. Safety. No one had to say anything.
While online community can provide comfort, they struggle to provide presence. This isn’t nostalgia. We evolved as humans to have bodies, be in groups and share the air around us. Our nervous systems still look for touch, tone and closeness.
You may feel like you have lots of conversations but don’t really feel relaxed in your body. You may feel better whilst you’re chatting but feel weirdly empty afterwards. You may be able to explain how you’re feeling to hundreds of people but not actually say it out loud to anyone in months. Or you may find yourself longing for someone to just sit with you in silence. If your best friendships are in one app and you wouldn’t know what to do if it went, this is a sign. This isn’t a weakness. This is information. Your body is telling you it wants something that a feed can’t give.
Elite doesn’t mean lonely
Many ambitious and high achievers in our generation fall into a trap. We create amazing, efficient lives. We have strong networks, meaningful conversations and carefully picked groups. However, we forget to create warmth. We become strategic in our connections. Our diaries get busy. Our friendships become planned, or completely online. We are surrounded by amazing people but somehow still feel a bit lonely at the end of the day. Real thing is knowing who would come to your door if you called them at 2am. Something you can’t purchase with followers.
A more truthful approach.
Maybe it’s not about online vs offline. Maybe it’s about what they provide. Online community is incredible for finding new people, ideas, specifics, fast support and meeting people you wouldn’t have otherwise crossed paths with. In person community is essential for comfort, presence, spontaneous happiness and building trust over time. They’re not competitors. They’re tools. Most of the time you’ll need both. Magic happens when you use both.
So they were never meant to. But they can lead us to the people who will one day give us one. They can introduce us, encourage us, and keep us company in the in-between. They are doorways, and good ones.
– Aira 🌿
