When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.
Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork.
Your stomach shouldn't be a waist basket.
A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit.
More die in the United States of too much food than of too little.
~John Kenneth Galbraith, The Affluent Society
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.
One should eat to live, not live to eat.
~Cicero, Rhetoricorum LV
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.
In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and cahins. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale.
It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.
I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.
~Jean Kerr, "Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall," The Snake Has All the Lines, 1958
People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.
When friends tell you how awesome you look, drop the "I still have more to go" crap. You worked hard and you deserve the compliment!
The one way to get thin is to re-establish a purpose in life.
~Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave
Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, "You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers."
~Dave Barry, Dave Barry Turns 50
Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.
Reality check: you can never, ever, use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight. At your goal weight or not, you still have to live with yourself and deal with your problems. You will still have the same husband, the same job, the same kids, and the same life. Losing weight is not a cure for life.
~Phillip C. McGraw, The Ultimate Weight Solution: The 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom, 2003
If nature had intended our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies.
I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me!
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days.
Rich, fatty foods are like destiny: they too, shape our ends.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate!
~Attributed to Sandra J. Dykes
Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not!
The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.
Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us.
~Peter De Vries
If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.
Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.
If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model. Kate Moss? Well, she would have been the paintbrush.
No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.
~George Bernard Shaw
The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor.
Food is like sex: when you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.
I go up and down the scale so often that if they ever perform an autopsy on me they'll find me like a strip of bacon - a streak of lean and a streak of fat.
Life itself is the proper binge.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.
Dieting is wishful shrinking.
It is a hard matter, my fellow citizens, to argue with the belly, since it has no ears.
Bigger snacks mean bigger slacks.
I'm allergic to food. Every time I eat it breaks out into fat.
~Jennifer Greene Duncan
Food has replaced sex in my life; now, I can't even get into my own pants.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.
It's not women's fault that diets don't work. It's not perversity of lack of willpower. God did this - in Her great wisdom.
~Dr. Wayne Callaway
Where do you go to get anorexia?
To lengthen your life, shorten your meals.
You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut.
I think I just ate my willpower.
If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
I am a nutritional overachiever.
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you're off it.
Saying yes to the skinny jeans by saying no to the donuts.
~Betsy Cañas Garmon, www.wildthymecreative.com
Dieting is not a piece of cake.
You know it's time to diet when you push away from the table and the table moves.
~Quoted in The Cockle Bur
If food is your best friend, it's also your worst enemy.
~Edward "Grandpa" Jones, 1978
I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.
A diet is a plan, generally hopeless, for reducing your weight, which tests your will power but does little for your waistline.
~Herbert B. Prochnow
I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.
Dieters live life in the fasting lane.
Govern well thy appetite, lest SinSurprise thee, and her black attendant, Death.
People say that losing weight is no walk in the park. When I hear that I think, yeah, that's the problem.
As for food, half of my friends have dug their graves with their teeth.
~Chauncey M. Depew
I lied on my Weight Watchers list. I put down that I had 3 eggs... but they were Cadbury chocolate eggs.
To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.
~Mark Twain, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, 1876
I'm on a 90-day wonder diet. Thus far, I've lost 45 days.
The commonest form of malnutrition in the western world is obesity.
Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it?
Your body is a temple, not a drive-through.
I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like - just don't swallow it.
I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food.
Forget about calories - everything makes thin people thinner, and fat people fatter.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
In general, mankind, since the improvement of cookery, eats twice as much as nature requires.
When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad.
Clogged with yesterday's excess, the body drags the mind down with it.
They are sick that surfeit with too much, as they that starve with nothing.
We never repent of having eaten too little.
~Thomas Jefferson, 1825
History is apt to judge harshly those who sacrifice tomorrow for today.
It would be far easier to lose weight permanently if replacement parts weren't so handy in the refrigerator.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
I'm not overweight, I'm undertall.
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.
Gluttony is not a secret vice.
If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes along, you will find that, mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you with only one definite piece of information: french-fried potatoes are out.
All people are made alike -
of bones and flesh and dinner -
Only the dinners are different.
~Gertrude Louise Cheney
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it.
If I can't have too many truffles I'll do without.
The only way to lose weight is to check it as airline baggage.
Fat is not a moral problem. It's an oral problem.
~Jane Thomas Noland
Never eat more than you can lift.
If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner.
Obesity is a mental state, a disease brought on by boredom and disappointment.
~Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.
Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet.
Obesity is really widespread.
~Joseph O. Kern II
She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow ye diet.
~Lewis C. Henry
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
I bought a talking refrigerator that said "Oink" every time I opened the door. It made me hungry for pork chops.
Another good reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back.
Don't go out of your weigh to please anyone but yourself.